dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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