Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
