ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
