I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
