I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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