I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
