it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
