come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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