Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
