i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
