Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
FUCK WHALES
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
