I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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