Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
please don't ironically join a cult
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