I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
