hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
