shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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