chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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