I wish I only lived at night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wear drunk well.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
