honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
