is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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