you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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