Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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