Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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