Little spoons don't ask big questions
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
