just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
