I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
