i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
