none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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