Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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