i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My penis needs a shock collar
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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