Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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