What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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