No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
