I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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