I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
