I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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