Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
