Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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