So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
