she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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