Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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