Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
