So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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