jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
