just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
