He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
