He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
