So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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