Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
