In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
