Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
